I never realized until recent years how much of an introvert I truly am. I was always loud growing up, and I guess I still am, but I always assumed I was an extrovert. But damn do I love being by myself. I guess I have a lot of practice, being an only child. I thoroughly enjoy just hanging out with me, myself, and I.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I really like when J and I have different days off or work opposite shifts. Not all the time, obviously. But once every week or so I really like having the apartment to myself for a solid 8 hours. Half the time I’m asleep, but I really like sleeping alone too. Oops.
I like being able to do what I please without worrying if I’m being too noisy, or if someone else wants to change the channel, or if I’ll be interrupted (like when I’m writing or reading or just really want to be left alone). I wish there was a way to tell people “Hey, just don’t talk to me for like two hours unless it’s an emergency” without coming off like a total dick. I mean, yeah, people know what an introvert is but feelings are feelings and feelings are easily hurt. It’s dumb.
It doesn’t help that in order for me to think and be productive I have to spread my shit EVERYWHERE. Honestly. I try to be tidy but I’ve always had to lay all my work out in order to focus. Growing up I would cover the entire kitchen table doing homework for just one class. (That’s my struggle with work too. I could take up our whole office space working and yet I have to be considerate of other people’s work space. Boo.) Anyway, it’s hard to spread my shit out on the bed when someone else is on the bed…trying to sleep.
I also need noise to work. Silence is distracting to me because then I can hear every little noise inside and outside. Again, hard to blast showtunes (or Christmas music, not gonna lie) when someone else is in the room.
Maybe I’ll make a sign for the bedroom door that says “Alissa is trying to focus and/or decompress. Please only enter the room if you need to pee or are in need of immediate medical assistance.” Too rude? Yeah, probably.
One day when I’m rich (ha) I’m gonna have a guest house and just hide there when I get in these moods. This is another reason why I shouldn’t have kids. They bug their parents too much.
This post didn’t make much sense, did it? Oh well. Deal with it.