I accepted his apology, thinking that he couldn’t touch me. Thinking that his actions no longer played a part in my life. I forgave him, believing that he was nothing but the past and that his actions could do no more damage aside from the immediate damage they had done in the past. And I apologized for my part in it, accepting that I had played a part. That I had said some pretty hurtful things. That he wasn’t entirely to blame.
Then today I realized that his actions [and mine] will always affect my life. Especially where Jeremy is concerned. And not just the things that happened in May. Not just the things that happened after we broke up. Everything. I realized that I cannot take back the past. My mistakes will always be there. The things he took from me will always be his. I can’t get any of myself back from him.
It’s not fair. I can forgive him, but I will never be able to forgive myself.

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2 thoughts on “I am such a fool

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