I want to blog.

Ever since Xanga was a thing, I’ve been fascinated with blogs and blogging.  And before blogs, I was obsessed with journaling.  I think it all started with Harriet the Spy.  I remember having this weird little notebook that I had, and I pretended I was a spy and I would go around my complex (where there were hardly any kids to play with) and hide in bushes and “spy” on people.  I never actually peeked into people’s homes or anything because I was a chicken and terrified of getting caught. But I made up little stories about the lady walking her dog and the person who drove too fast over a speed bump anyway.  And even though in the original story, Harriet suffered for her notebook being found, I still dreamed that someone would find my notebook and I’d be famous.

I definitely wanted to be a writer.  More importantly, a FAMOUS writer.

Then blogging came into my life.  I wanted ALL the readers.  And the money.  I guess my dream job was something that allowed me to stay home and still get amazing opportunities that I had seen offered to other bloggers (and vloggers for that matter).

Now I’m not so concerned with the fame or money.  I mean, it’d sure be nice.  But I have a pretty cool job, and really I’m more concerned with not blogging in a way that jeopardizes my employment.

So I want to blog, but I have no direction.  There are so many types of bloggers that inspire me.  There are mommy bloggers, but I’m not married and I have no children.  And frankly, Jared takes care of me more than I do of him.

There are beauty bloggers and fashion bloggers, but as interested in beauty and fashion as I am, I’m not very good at it and I can’t afford to constantly review the staggering amount of new products that are released.  I’m too lazy to shave on a regular basis let alone try a new brand of foundation every day.  I don’t even wear makeup that often because it melts off at work.  Same with fashion.  I’m poor y’all, so my personal style usually involves jeans and some nerdy t-shirt.  And that’s only on my days off.  When I’m working I’m wearing company-provided clothing and when I get off work I put on pajamas right away.

And the list goes on and on.

So why do I even try?  I know I never post anything, but I can’t tell you how many times I open up WordPress and open a new post and then end up not typing anything.

I’m afraid but I don’t even know why.


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