I have always had a really bad habit of focusing on being somewhere else and placing all the blame for current disappointments on where I currently am, or who I’m with…
Background info about me:
I used to be a bit of a heartbreaker. And I don’t mean in the innocent sense that guys liked me and I was simply unattainable. I had the tendency to toy with boy’s emotions for funzies. At the time I would convince myself it was NO BIG DEAL and I don’t think I realized how inconsiderate I was being. Looking back, though… I cringe. Anyway, along those lines, I would start to get bored with my current boyfriend and I would kinda “choose” my next conquest before I had even broken up with my current beau. I started this habit in 9th grade and didn’t kick it until I was 19. (I have horrible relationship karma so Jared is probably going to tear my heart apart at some point…)
So! All that said, since I’ve stopped living for future romances I recently realized I haven’t truly kicked my habit. I don’t mean relationships, I mean living situations. I’m constantly bemoaning our apartment, my salary, the heat, my car…etc. None of which is really that bad.
Lately I’ve been wistfully day dreaming about leaving So Cal and moving back up north, close to wear I went to school. Today I had an epiphany… When I lived up north I constantly missed being down here! I missed real beaches that you don’t need to bundle up to enjoy. I missed being close to just about anything. In the area we live in we are super close to two theme parks, not too far from two others, there are a plethora of shopping and dining options nearby, we’re super close to the beach, and we are within an hour of numerous famous performance venues. That’s not necessarily the case where I went to school.
Disclaimer: I am in no way intending to diss that area or any of my loved ones who are from there or currently live there. I cherish the time I’ve spent there. I always look forward to visiting. It’s just not what I truly envision for my day-to-day life at this point.
Anyway, this was all just a very rambly way of saying that I need to take responsibility for my own happiness and finally recognize when I’m getting in my own way. I need to stop placing the blame for my discontent on stupid things like my job, the apartment, etc. I mean, I adore my job! Could I stand to get paid a little more? Sure. Do I want to stay in my current position forever? Of course not! But that’s no reason to make every day a miserable experience for myself and those I work with. And my apartment? The only thing wrong with it is that Jared and I take no pride in where we live. Real talk: the apartment is always a mess, and it’s hardly decorated. So obviously I’m not going to love spending time at home. And even if J and I moved, I’d be willing to bet we’d have the same issues at a new place.
So starting, well, a few days ago, I’m going to be working on my attitude. So far it’s been going pretty well. I’m still in the ‘fake it till you make it’ phase but I’m okay with that.
I’ll get there.