Every once and awhile I like to torture myself by falling into the trap of Googling “how to blog” hoping that I’ll click a magical link that will transport me to an alternate reality, in which I post regularly, have a real computer and a nice camera, and my blog has so many readers that I’m getting offered book deals or being invited to Good Morning America to talk about some nonsense that only tangentially has to do with me.  Alas, the search results are all the same… A series of lists telling you what you need to start blogging.  And often times the first item (maybe the second) on every list is “Blog about what you are passionate about!” or “Find a niche and focus on it!” or some similar crap.

Here’s the problem:

I’m not passionate about anything.

Gasp! How can this be possible? you all whisper, horrified by the heartless typer of words on the Internet that is me. How can anyone not be passionate about anything?

Well, maybe I was overstating things a bit.  I certainly feel passion.  I get angry and frustrated and heartbroken about things.  That’s a form of passion, of course.  Sadly, however, most of those things are work related, so I don’t really feel like blogging about my experiences working at a major corporation are wise at this point in my life.  I like being employed.  Also, I’d like to point out that most of my passionate outbursts come from a negative place these days.  While I don’t shy away from negativity, this blog does not need to be filled of rants and whining all the time.  I realize that this blog is primarily rants and whining at the moment…but that’s why I don’t blog as much anymore.  Or ever.  I don’t want to be some emo sob-fest of a website.

So, what do I do now?  I’ll admit, I haven’t yet Googled “how to find a passion” but I’m sure I know what it would say.  Try new things, right?  Well working 50 hours a week and still not being able to pay rent half the time doesn’t leave much room for new hobbies.  Hell, as I type this I have 3 dollars in my bank account and don’t get paid until Thursday.  Yes, there are free things to try, but this is Southern California.  Nothing is truly free, and gas is expensive, and when you only have one day off a week it tends to be spent looking for a second job or doing other chores.  Or sleeping.

So what does a girl blog about when she can’t talk about what she spends most of her time doing (which is working, or stressing about work) and is too poor to go on adventures worth blogging about?  I guess the answer is she whines and moans about her life on the internet.  How original.  What a niche for me to focus on.

Look.  I want to do this.  I want to fill this website with cute stories and life lessons and recipes and Pinterest-y DIY tutorials and book reviews and my un-asked-for opinions.  I want to figure out what I’m doing with my life and then share it with all of you, whoever you are, but when life keeps crapping all over your hopes and dreams it is really hard to even bother trying for them anymore.

This got really depressing, really fast.  It doesn’t help that my birthday is in a few days.  And 25 was a really rough year.  And 26 doesn’t look like it’ll be much better.

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